Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
