She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
