This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Come share oat with me in your robe
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
