I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize