The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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