I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
