Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
