I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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