He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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