haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
