he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
