you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
