Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize