i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
