God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to be your penis for a week.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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