Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
