It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
