Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
