Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.