No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
