Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
