Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
try to milk me bitch
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