DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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