You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
