I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They took my balls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
