I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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