So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
