Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i dont even know how to be here
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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