Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize