He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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