just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you never un-have a 4some
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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