You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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