dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
