And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
