She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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