alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
