Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
