how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
