the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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