either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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