I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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