I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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