Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
