East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
