I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize