ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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