Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
