i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
