Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
