An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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