this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
