ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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