the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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