Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
