she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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