so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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