I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
