Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
