You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
