My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
