i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
